Freebie Man’s Offering Up a Big Sky Vacation!
Freebie Man is back! Wow… it’s been so long since I’ve been around. But I’m here now and with a very special Freebie.
Win a FREE stay at a luxury condo in Big Sky Montana for you and your family.
That’s right, a luxurious getaway!
You work hard, and it’s time to smile, laugh, and celebrate the summer in Big Sky Montana - on us.
To enter, all you need to do is make us laugh. Leave your favorite teacher joke as a comment on the blog.
Watch this video for more details. The contest end at 5:00 PM Eastern Time, USA on Friday, May 11, 2012.
Official Contest Rules
- Leave a comment on this blog with your favorite or best teacher-related joke. Make us laugh! Any type of joke will do… just refrain from posting anything offensive.
- We will select our favorite joke to win a free 5-night stay at a luxury condo in Big Sky Montana.
- Comment containing your joke must be posted by 5:00 PM Eastern Time, USA on Friday, May 11, 2012.
About the Luxury Condo
- $2500 Value
- Sleeps 8 (you plus 7 family members and/or friends)
- Part of Big Sky Resort
- A short drive to Yellowstone National Park
Photos taken by past winners
GOOD LUCK!
Disclaimer: This contest does not include airfare, gas, mileage, food, or spending money. The winner will receive a 5-night stay during the summer of 2012 – at your convenience (and pending availability). We will work with the winner to determine when the trip will take place, but it must occur between June 1, 2012 and August 31, 2012. SimpleK12 is not responsible or liable for any expenses incurred on your vacation. Winner is responsible for paying a $90 cleaning fee. Oh, and we hope you’ll send us some pictures because we wish we could go (needless to say this contest is not open to employees or our family members).
Thanks for the great contest.
The student was pestering the teacher to hurry up and turn on the video for the lesson. The teacher said to the child, “Please, have some patience!”
The student replied, “I have lots of patience. It just doesn’t last very long.”
Why was the Algebra book so sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Student: If I were terminally ill I would only want to be in your class again.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because every moment in your class seems like an eternity.
I was talking to one of my high school students several years back about how as a teacher you never feel older. I told him that since we work with high school aged people everyday we stay young and energized all the time. He thought about this for a minute and looked at me and said, “Wow, it must be hell when you retire!”.
Why did the pony get sent to the principals office? For horsing around!
This is a true funny: One of my second graders was telling his mother why he got a checkmark for the day for behavior. He told her he did what I (the teacher) told him to do when others were being loud, he said “I gave them the finger!” As his mom was recovering he was showing her how, with his finger to his lips!
This is a true story. I need to write a book one day. I was a kindergarten teacher for sixteen years and now a library media specialist for the last eight years.
I had a child come to the library with their teacher’s money bag. I asked the student what did your teacher tell you to do. She replied take it to the “book keeper” so that is why I am bringing it to you! Made my day! I am the keeper of the books!!!
A teacher died and went to heaven. St. Peter welcomed her in and said
he would show her to her place in heaven. The first neighborhood was
lovely. People were out on the park-like lawns, socializing,
Bar-B-Q-ing, playing golf on a beautifully landscaped golf course, and
having a fine time.
“Oh, this is wonderful,” says the school teacher to St. Peter, “Is
this where I’ll be staying?”
“No, this is the doctors’ area,” replied St. Peter.
They continue the journey and come to another beautiful neighborhood.
Again everyone is outside socializing. People are on tennis courts,
swimming in pools, etc. “My, this IS paradise,” gushed the teacher,
“Is this my neighborhood?”
“No, no, the teacher’s area is next.”
They move on among the clouds until they reach and equally beautiful
neighborhood, but no one is outside. No one is visible anywhere and
the houses appear to be closed and empty.
“Well, here we are,” said St. Peter with a smile, “Isn’t this a fine
place to be?”
“Yes,” replied the teacher with noticeable disappointment in her
voice.
“Don’t many teachers make it to heaven? I don’t see anyone else here?”
“Sure, we get lots of teachers. Don’t worry they’ll all be here
tomorrow. They’re just down in hell for another in-service.
Q: If everyone drove red automobiles what would our country be called?
A: A red carnation.
We decided to celebrate Cinco de Mayo in a different way this year. Many of the students are cat lovers….sooooo….wait for it…..this Friday, we are celebrating CINCO DE MEOW!!! Felines unite!!
When a teacher asked the six year old student why his handwriting wasn’t as neat as usual, he responded, “I’m trying a new font.”
a picure of a woman walking in Hell, but just as happy, whisling, and walking like it is a beautiful day….comments from God…..Oh, she used to be a Jr High Principal……
Quoting Sir Ken Robinson’s TED Talk: “The teacher was fascinated and she went over to her and she said, “What are you drawing?” And the girl said, “I’m drawing a picture of God.” And the teacher said, “But nobody knows what God looks like.” And the girl said, “They will in a minute.”".
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Pupil: I get up early!
One of the best parts of my job is the funny things kids say!
True kindergarten Quotes:
-”My Uncle lives far away… He lives in a place called Hamsterdam… I think they have lots of hamsters there”
-”Ok kids, it time to go to recess”
(Very Worried)” But Mrs. Cahill…. I don’t know how to do recess…”
-”My grandpa only has four teeth… well he has more but he keeps those in a cup.”
What is the math teacher’s favorite sum? A summer trip to Big Sky Montana!
A mother wakes up her son and says, “You have to get up and go to school.”
Son says, “I don’t want to go.”
Mom says, “Give me a reason you don’t want to go.”
Son says, “Everyone hates me there.”
Mom says, “You have to go.
Son says, “Give me a reason I have to go.”
Mom says, “You are the principal.”
Teacher: You aren’t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I’m having trouble listening!
In a class discussion about seasons, one of my little ones responded with this answer:
Question: What are the four seasons?
Student Response: salt, pepper, ketchup, and mustard
PUPIL: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
TEACHER: Of course not
PUPIL: Good, because I didn’t do my homework
Picture of teachers trying to stay awake and not look bored – caption under picture: I hope I die during a PD day because the transition will be so subtle (of course this doesn’t apply to your PD days
teacher asks students to give an example of a sentence using the word definitely. suzie says “the sky is definitely blue.” teacher says “no, sometimes blue, sometimes dark, depends on the weather, but good try.” Daisy raises her hand and says, “The grass is definitely green.” teacher says”no, sometimes green, sometimes brown, depends on the season of the year, but good try.” Johnny slips his hand slowly in the air and asks,”teacher, is a poot wet?” Teacher says “no.” Johnny says,”then I definitely pooped in my pants”!
Dad to Kinder son: Now son, count to ten.
Son: Ten!
Q: What do you do with a dead chemistry teacher??
A: Barium!!!!
Art class was just about over for the 1st graders when the teacher approached Billy and asked him why is paper was blank. He responded, “I had a chicken there but it walked off the paper.”
True Funny: Coach and student are last two people left at school after a game.
Student: Coach you can go ahead an go, my ride will be here soon.
Coach: No, I am responsible for you until your ride comes, I cannot leave you here.
Student: OH YEAH!! I heard of that………(wait for it)…….THAT’S THAT NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND THING!!
This was Al Capone´s elementary classroom.:
Teacher: Al, what is 3 x 2?
Al Capone stares at the teacher with this peaceful I´ll-shoot-you-if-you-don´t-leave-me-alone look, turns his face down and answers nothing. Teacher asks him again demanding an answer. Another student raises their hand and replies: “Six!”. Al Capone immediately searches in his bag, pulls out an Uzi gun and shoots his classmate!
Teacher in horror: Oh my God Al, what have you done!!?? Why!!??
Al Capone: He just knew too much…
(Too bad I won´t be able to apply for the prize since I´m not in US, but hope you enjoy the joke…;))
This is one of my favorites, sorry for the length.
There was a group of men working to dig a trench in the hot sun. Their supervisor was up in the shade leaning against a tree and relaxing. All of the workers got together and nominated Joe to go up and ask the supervisor why he was not down in the ditch working hard like the rest of them. So Joe climbed up the side of the ditch and walked over to the supervisor.
“Why do you get to relax up here in the shade when the rest of us are working down in the hot sun? You even get paid more then we do!”
“Ahh,” The supervisor said, “Let me show you.”
So the supervisor walked over to a nearby pole and put his hand against it and told Joe to punch it as hard as he could. Just when Joe was about to hit it, the supervisor pulled it away so Joe hit the pole instead.
The supervisor said: “That is why I am up here and you are down there.”
So Joe walked back down to the rest of the workers who asked him what the supervisor had said. Joe looked around and could not see any poles, so he put his hand in front of his face and said “Hit my hand.”
A teacher asked her first graders what shapes they could name. One student said “square,” another student proudly replied “pentagon, octagon,” to which a third student excitedly shouted “OR-EE-GON!”
In my first year of teaching 4th grade at a Catholic school, I remember one significant day where we discussed Purgatory, and I emphasized to the students that we can all pray for the souls in Purgatory. The students seemed a bit bewildered so I wasn’t sure if they had understood the lesson. The next day we were praying and one of the boys eagerly waved his hand to let me know he had a special prayer request. He bowed his head and with great solemnity, said, “I would like to pray for the souls in…PUBERTY!” He quickly realized his mistake, slapped his forehead, and said, “Wait! I meant PURGATORY!” Another boy turned around and innocently asked, “What’s puberty?” Aghast, a girl turned to him and whispered, “You don’t want to know.”
One of my favorites…
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.
Why did the new teacher take a tall stool to her job interview with the prinicpal?
She wanted to teach in high school.
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: “Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?” Young Bobby replied with “The same number of times I’ve seen a duck holding an umbrella.”
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down & enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Tommy came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room & started studying. Books & papers were spread out all over the room and little Tommy was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for sometime, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his mom looked at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an “A” in math.
She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, “Son, what was it? Was it the teachers?” Little Tommy looked at her and shook his head, no. “Well then,” she replied, “was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?” Little Tommy looked at her and said, “Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”
“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.
“Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.
“No.”
“I’m the principal’s daughter.”
“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.
“No,” she replied.
“Thank goodness!”
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